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Sunday, April 30, 2006
12:23 AM

So, we were supposed to watch a movie. But well, we kinda passed the time for the show. So ya.. We skipped it. I saw Jocelyn while waiting for him. Kinda long since we saw each other. It was great talking to her. Shall ask her out sometime man. Ya.. Well, it rained as soon as we got to Sunplaza. I bought an umbrella so it'd be more convenient. So ya.. That was yesterday. lol. Love spending time with him. He's nice. Yeapp. We saw the PAP people and they smiled at us. Lol. They're like so lame. They spoke through some kind of microphone to get votes or something. But they're travelling around the car that you can't even hear what they're saying. Crap. Well, that was yesterday.

I woke up at like 5am today when I felt my phone vibrating. He was still awake.. I found that I haven't taken my contacts out~! My godd. I quickly took it out and msg-ed him for a while before going back to sleep. I slept like some kinda pig. Woke up like damn late. Well, we were supposed to go to Kbox actually. The early one. But we didn't. Cause the both of us woke up damn late. lol. Well, I went out to meet Yuyu. However, it ended up with me seeing many old friends. Talked to a number of people. Anyway, I'm gonna get that phone! Wilfred's phone. I kind of fell in love with it. Yay! I'm gonna get it next week. Must. Not sure what model it is. But it's a Motorola phone. It's so slim. I like those kinda model. Saw Kenneth today.. And after a real long time we finally really talked. Oh well, he told me a lot of sensible things. Should I listen? Or should I not? But about me becoming worse than before. Ya.. Quite true. I've gotta change. Well, actually I've started to change. Just that.. it ain't enough. I'm so not the girl I used to be one year ago. I have to be her. Cause that's the real me. But I'll just let nature take its cause. That'll be the best way I guess. yahh.. Oh well. Met my ex for a while just now. He.. aiya. I really don't know what to say. Well.. Guess I'll end here.

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Friday, April 28, 2006
2:51 PM

I really don't know why. But I just love this blog. I know it contains a lot of bitter memories. Reading through it, I feel damn stupid man. But sincerely, I don't care. If you guys want to like.. read about my past then go ahead. But I suggest you guys start from here. I just don't wanna delete `cause maybe some day I'd wanna read about it again.. and laugh at myself again. But I'm definitely 100% done with that life. It wasn't the kind of life I was fitted to. Everything was in a mess. But now, everything's fine. Calm. The storm finally ended. I'm like a bird whose cut on the wings has just healed. It feels great to be able to fly again. School life in MI is not too bad. It's just that I guess I should really start studying. Coming here, all of our aims is to get into university. But only like nine people per class may be able to enter. I'm going to be so dead. I'm not one of the better pupils in the class. Some cycos who got good grades for their O's still came into this pathetic school. Like what do they want? hahs. Forget it.

Actually, I suddenly miss my blog and came to take a look at it. goshh. Never did I thought so many has happened. And this blog's song just makes me wanna pull my hair. lol. But I like it. I really do. Well, our home tutor ( that is equivalent to a form teacher ) is leaving already. There's a bbq for her tomorrow. Wonder if I should go. Maybe for a while? What should I get for her man? I've not treated her that nice. So, I guess I should get her something. I'm bad. Today's her last day and I still shouted at her. But oh well. I have limits too. Aiya. Forget that. I still like her laa. In a way.. Hmmm. I guess I won't write that much. I'm going to a movie in a while. =) Larry asked me to a chalet. Should I go? Lee Yan didn't answer my call. That means no one's going with me. I can't possibly go alone right? Oh well. See how. I guess I'd better get going. Later~.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Monday, January 09, 2006
12:51 AM

heii everyone . i'm backk . year 2oo6 . new year . me n him are backk together . id'll be great i noe . everyone has changed . hopefully . bud i'm a happie woman now . let's juz hope everything will go rite . =) anyway, i'll nort be blogging here anymore . so , get mi new bloggie add from me .


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Sunday, January 01, 2006
8:11 PM

my last post here . anything juz call mi phone or msg me in friendster or MSN .

i am bloody sick and tired of de life i'm leading now . being .. controlled by my emotions . can't get de hell out of this . i still love him even after de way he treated me . i am sick n tired of the farking things he did . i mean .. he did something real BIG . REALLY BIG . as in, makes any girlfriend crazy . id's farking big . even till now, he's lying tuhh me . godd . i reallie wonder wart he exactly wants from me . he was juz using me ? or wart de hell .. does anyone understand how devastated i feel ? i wake up everyday crying . sincerely .. i ain't lying . maybe it's my retribution . godd . u noe .. what he told me yesterday .. i believed him . i was gonna call him todaee . but well, i found oudd de truth .. n i'm never gonna lie to myself ever again . u CHEATED ON ME U ASSHOLE . i reallie dunno what wrong i have done tuhh u or even where i went wrong . i mean .. oh what the hell .. can't stand it man . reallie . y can't it juz be perfect . what he did tuhh me .. i thought id only happens in series or tuhh adults and all .. but it happened tuhh me . godd . my life is soo ruined . dis is a new year . i wanna start a new life . i noe i won't forget him . bud, i wanna start life anew . i love him lots .. reallie lots .. bud he'll never noe . he never will . he's juz a jerk who toyed with me . enuff . reallie . enough of ur lies . please . reallie . dun toy with me any further . u noe u dun love me . so stop it . i won't look for u again . i noe there'll be temptations . bud i'll try my best not to . i'll try . to get u outta my head . we haven't broke up . i dun wanna . coz mi heart is still with u . no one else has to know dat we havent broke up . coz i wan u tuhh have the freedom of being with any girl . coz i won't ever be by ur side . i can't .. thou i really love u so .. so .. u are free tuhh tell everyone dat u dun haf a gf . bud i noe u do have one .. that is me .. even if u have two .. dat's onli ferr me tuhh noe . others dun haf to . budd for me .. u'll always be my bf .. till de day i can go up tuhh u .. n say.. i dun love u anymore . mwarks .


i'll onli come back here . when i reallie have moved on in life . other than dat, pls contact me thru other means . thanx .



# dead . ++


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Saturday, December 31, 2005
9:55 AM

i woke up in a fit of cold sweat all around me . godd id felt so real . yet, i was dreaming .

i was being handcuffed . scary . sitting in da police car . i was practically crying . my bestest fren was being handcuffed rite beside me . i entered a place i've never been tuhh before . i was facing the walls which were light green in colour and i sat on da bench . id all seemed so real . a lady who was lyk freaking pale was rite beside me on the other side of da bench . she took a glance ad me and continued with her sleep . i was practically still crying and my best fren was lyk seperated from me with a wall in between . godd it fucking felt soo real .

well, my best fren was afraid i was angry . well, let's give a name.. say my bestfren is ABC . it was pretty vague . all i knew was id felt lyk dat person was da bestest fren i had . ABC was lyk trying tuhh cover up furhh everything i did . lyk wat da hell . id was all my fault . i could feel da guilt when i was in derr . i dunno .. but da case was lyk so real and i could hear my mum crying over da fon . all i could do was drop tears from my eyes down to my cheeks and it'll be wiped by dos fucking hands of mine .

blood was injected out from me . n ABC. wart de fuck . ABC was involved juz because ABC was trying tuhh cover up for me . the policewoman was talking tuhh me . asking me how long i've been with ABC . i couldn't answer coshh i cant even see ABC's face in da dream . well, the policewoman juz said i shld treasure ABC .. cos only at dese point of tym would u noe who ur true frenz are . i slept in the farking place till about 11+ when my mum went ta fetch me home and nothing happened to me . but ABC was detained . lyk wart de fuck ? ABC didn't even do anything wrong . all i could feel was i left da place with guilt and tears rolling down dos cheeks of mine .

crap rite ? in real life, it couldn't have been this way . there's no such nice thing furhh me . in real life, i'll haf no such fren . in real life, i'd have been bashed up by my family members . but well, i'm in one piece . lol . only my heart is in two . we got back together . juz to not be together again i guess ? haishh . i dun wanna go anywhere anymore anyway . i'm locking myself . anything, i'll only reply tuhh computer messages . dun bother asking me oudd . coz i won't . i need some time ... OFF`.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Friday, December 23, 2005
6:59 AM

ermm.. yesterday morning.. met joey to shopp. bought lotsa things. spent lyk so much lorr.. above $250 bahh .. haishh.. she also bought mascara and a beautiful necklace.. i'm thinking of buying de neckklace as well.. shld i? lol. well, anyway, work was pretty fun yesterday cause Jenny wasn't there.. i was lucky furgh getting off without an m/c without getting scolded.. yippee`. to think i was so afraid.. lol .. and i had the company of all my great frenz derr.. plus.. joey's break time was de same as mine. how great was that? but well, sadly, it was michael's last daee.. budd still okayy larhh.

after work was disaster.. it was great receiving da phonecall but it felt bad when i hung up.. ermm.. seems lyk i wasted my effort on a guy who nv appreciated.. well, tuhh him, he chose de wrong gurl. it's okayy. i never regretted whatever i did.. no matter what ppl say. but i noe i have tuhh go on.. n that's exactly wart i'm doing.. =)

i woke up late for werkk todaee. goshh. sorry ling wei and qi.. furh making ya guys wait. =X hmmm.. after dat went tuhh eat lunch wibb joyce.. and played a lil of photohunt wibb her before making our way backk home. she's pretty nice tuhh talk to.. i thot she was de quiet kind who wont reallie talkk.. i was wrong. lol. =X i wanted tuhh sleep when i reached home.. but i couldn't. damn.. from ytd till now, i only had one hour's sleep. ahh.. now's 11.20.. tmr i OT nehh. die`. well, i'll make dis quick. ermm.. well, xiao meii was lyk bored after her tuition and we went to play bball.. saw matthew and his fren at 851.. how shocking was dat? oh well.. we then went to 111 to play bball.. talked tuhh joyce furh a while and den she had tuhh go le lorr.. dunno what christmas thingy at ngee ann.. yahh.. met xue jun at yee xin's place at 139 derr.. listened tuhh some music and ate some snacks before goin' home..

kenneth juz sold his PSP to matthew.. i had to pass the charger to matthew juz now.. hmmm.. funnie.. his fren msg-ed me.. he wanna be my fren yet i duchh ever noe his name~! lol. well, i dun care anyway.. life is just fine with me.. i mean.. as long as i know, i tried my best.. i can live with that. i'm still a happy young woman. =)

oh ya.. i got wine for his mum and dadd. err. ish it okayy? i mean.. will they even take wine?? diiaoo.. dunno lehh. shld be alright bahh .. urgghh. whatever..can larh ..




u'll know true frenz wen u nid one moz`.
i noe i love u`.
budd i'm willing tuhh letcha go`.
Friday
Dec 23, 2005
11:28pm

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Wednesday, December 21, 2005
7:42 AM

furget wartever i mentioned. enuff. i was talking crap. der's lyk many who treasures me. so yeapp. y shld i bother so much abt a person who doesnt even seem tuhh wanna farking care? it's okayy. i'm really fine. y shld i nort be? i've been in dis position before. i shld noe how to control right now. i guess he's back tuhh wooing the girl he used tuhh lyk. i dun cairre also. haha. he won't noe how tuhh lurve or cherish me. i might as well leave dis life. i've suffered enuff.

tmr's gonna b` tough on me man. i dun haf m/c for monday. i'm lyk soo dead. i dun cairre. maybe i'll get scolding. most tuhh most, sacked. who cares?? it's all da more better. den i dun haf tuhh lyk tender for my resignation. work is lyk soo sick. i dun even haf my freespace. budd i lurve the ppl there except furh the supervisor. -_- hmmm. well, michael's last day is tmr. he's a nice guy who talks tuhh me at work whenever i was lyk freaking boredd. i'll miss looking at chio bu melissa. i'll miss mui fong jie who has been so nice tuhh me ever since da first day of work. i'll miss manis who is as new as i am. i'll miss kenji who always t0ks c0ck to me. i'll miss the uncle who always ties a ponytail and has a tattoo since he was my age. I'LL DEFINITELY MISS JOEY.. and SANDY. these two gurls have been my bestest fren during my stay there. But luckily for me.. Joey is staying in yishun also. haha.. near cpcc there.. shoo still okayy larh. dey named me an english name. Diana. they said it suits me. haha. i've always liked dat name anyway. u may wanna call me that. lol. wokayy.. err.. i'm definitely gonna miss the bubbly sock han? is that how u spell her name? she's just great. n also.. susan.. quiet but really damn nice. and the jie jie who introduced me to some facial stuffs. she's great. hmmm.. a lot nehh . can't rmb all. i lurrrve all the colleagues man. but juzz not the supervisor.. and the bloody pay. n the daily job which takes away all muhh freedom. sian larhh..

well, anyway, i'm going shopping with joey tmr. my dad's giving me a hundred bucks. godd that's gonna `b nort enuff. i know it. but well, i have to make do with it. lol. wartever. it'll be a new start urf my life. n BOYS.. are tuhh be put aside. lol. i'm gonna live the life i had before mr goh foo boon stepped into my life. a life where i never stooped so low as to always haf to do everything the guys' way. i need to haf my own way as well.

full stop`.

:: u treated me lyk a treasure wen u wanted me baq` ::
:: u were the purrfect guy back then ::
:: bud aft dat, é way u treated me juz g0t worse::
:: i'm used tuhh it ::
:: won't trust a guy so easily eva again ::

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Tuesday, December 20, 2005
10:50 PM

urgghhh.. migraine just suckkkkkkkk. fuck itt.

kept thinkin yesterdae. godd. haishh. i couldn't sleep. tossed and turned in bed. yet juz couldn't get myself tuhh sleep. i thot.. maybe.. juz maybe it was muhh fault. haishh. i mean.. i was the one who changed. i noe very well dat his personality is lidat. haishh .. sick`. i mean.. i cud bloody well see dat he was like.. trying his best to change and all. thou the improvement wasn't satisfactory. i knew him well enough t0 bloody hell see dat he was attempting.. 4 0nce tuhh juz make me happie.. yet, i lost it. how cud i lose my cool when everything was fine? yahh.. he didn't treat me as great as when we just got backk together. that's his fault.. but it was my fault to lose muhh cool. urgghh. buay tahan le larhhhhhh.. i know he cares about me. but he.. idiot. when he's bloody hellie nice, he can be shoo nice. but he can just change immediately.. to be such an asshhhole. urgghh. y0uu attempting.. i'm freaking happie. but it ain't enough. maybe to u, i'm asking furh too much. but noo.. i'm telling you. it's very ez if you put away what others might think about u. i used to not bother. n i pampered u too much lorr. then, it was your turn to pamper me.. but it seems lykk.. u dun even care to dote on me. haishh. let it be over then. sincerely, i dun wish to think about it at all. it could have been close to purrfect. but now, i guess, it's gonna be close to doomsdae.. haishh..

pek chek`.

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



You've been too pampered. Girls treated you too good. So you take it all for granted that you can get any girl you want. And that you dun have to treat them good. You never cared about any girl. All you fucking care about is.. ur fucking mian zi. Wo shou gou le. Yi qian.. bu guan ni zhuo shen me shi, hai shi shen qi, wo dou hui yi zhi an wei ni.. hong ni kai xin. GOU LE. You'll never once ever sit down to think what I have done for you. Or how well I treated you. Being with you, I just swallowed when people said, "Hidayah, wo jue de ni zhuo nu de zhuo de hen shi bai leh. haishh." Why is it that they say all these? Cause whatever you do, I'll just stupidly always walk to you and start consoling you and all. I've always been giving in. I've been the one working hard in the relationship. never you. But what do you know? There's a limit to where I stand. I've had enough of all these. When is it that you're gonna show that you treasure me? Look at Victor. One look and you'll definitely know he dotes on Joyce so much. Heii. Did anyone ever said anything like Victor is stupid or whatever? no. So why can't you just do something like that? pa mei you mian zi mehh? Victor you gei ren jia jiang ta mei you mian zi ma? But what if it were Joyce who were the one always consoling Victor? What'll YOU say? Joyce hen ben lehh.. Victor dou bu yao guan ta.. ta hai zhe yang. Right anot? I mean.. Think man. I'm sure you'd think it's all my fault blah blah. You know what? I'm just doing what I was supposed to do all these while.. I've treated you very good le. Yet, you don't appreciate. You'd think you treat me well. Just because you don't flirt anymore. Shit man. I also never flirt means i treat u good ah? I've never treated a guy this good larh ehh. Please lah. I never hong nan hai zi kai xin de lehh. Ask mi ex larh.. yes, I might have been giving to them. Cause I can't stand getting angry for too long.. But what I've given you.. and how well I've treated you and all.. Godd, I've never like that treated a guy before. Ehh. Enough is enough man. You'll never think it's your fault. Cause you never cherished me. If you did, you'll never had walked out on me. You'll never have mentioned the word "break". I know today... You tried your best to keep that word off your mouth. But acting like you want it.. is as good as saying it. I don't exactly ask for much man. It's just that.. if you really love me, no matter how bad your temper is.. you'd not walk out on me. Even if you did, you'll turn back and walk to me.. asking if I'm alright, even if it's in a weird tone. If you really love me, no matter how badly you want to save your face, you'll never allow me to go away. If you really treasured me, you'll show to everyone how much you mean to me. Not allowing anyone to have a reason to say you don't need me at all and that it's easy for you to find another girl. Yeah, well, I know I ain't pretty. But if you loved me, you won't care and you won't act in front of your friends. You'll dote on me no matter where we are. But I guess you never do. You listen to what your friends say a lot. You care too much abou what others say and you may just get influenced. If this is the case, haishh.. What's the amount of love you have for me? I wonderr.. If you really loved me, all these would be put aside. sincerely, I felt a little of the love you gave. But you know what? You don't REALLY love me. You just have feelings for me. But not of an awful lot.. Or so I feel. Even some of my friends tend to dote on me more than you. I know you'd think I've changed. How come I suddenly become so rebellious towards you when last time, I used to be the quiet girl who accepts everything you do? Well, I accepted them last time you know why? Cause last time.. though you weren't that great a stead, you knew how to still dote on me. You'd walk me home everyday. And came over just to see me. Last time, you never really gave me attitude and all.. You'd always look at me and smile. And I could feel how sweet you were to me. When we just patched back, you know how great you were? You were the best man. But now, youre just a sicko. I used to swallow all your attitudes because it was just once or twice. But now, I guess you're with the perspective that I'll always come back and say.. "aiyo.. bu yao shen qi la k.. " and blah.. or I'll just keep quiet. You got used to it too much that you continue on doing it. I used to get pampered too much too. I'd always assume that he'd come back to me and blah. I never learnt my lesson. But I learnt one day that I shouldn't have been that way. When'd you learn? I've had enough. Why can't you just treat me better? Is what I'm asking for too much? I just need you to dote on me. If you really love me, godd.. it'd be easy man. If you never loved me, then don't toy with me. ENOUGH MAN. I want the old you. The one who treated me best. I just need you to change a little. Just to treat me better. If you can't, then perhaps, my decision was right. I never wanted to do so . wo zhi dao wo mei you gen ni zai yi qi wo hui xin ku.. ke shi.. ru guo ni bu yao gai de hua.. wo gen ni zai yi qi.. wo hui TONG KU ah.. haishh. You think yourself.. if it's all my fault. I know certain stuffs were my fault. duhh. But horr.. heii, look at me as a girl you love. n not like any other girl.. haishh.. maybe, u never loved me. forget it. It's all up to you to prove to me if you ever loved me. fat chance. I know you won't wanna get back together anyway. Guess it's over anyway. 1 month and 3 weeks.. seemed like years. man.. life is tough man.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Tuesday, December 13, 2005
7:21 AM

Heii.. Sorry for not posting for long. Work and all.. just too tired. I'm now really tired.. So I'm just gonna make it short.
Career-wise:
The job there is like really making me sleepy. I don't know why. And I'm getting real tired of this cause I practically have any time to myself. I mean.. I only have every Tuesdays off. I'm still a teenager man. i can't possibly work like this. But actually, the people there are pretty nice.. so ya. It's not soo bad. Just that the pay itself, now that I realise, is pretty low. Anyway, I'm only doing this job for a month. I have to start tutoring next month. So yahh..
Love-life:
Our relationship is still going strong. Well, we quarrelled once.. but it only lasted for a while. I mean.. it was just a fucking misunderstanding. Well, anyway, which couples won't have tiffs right? He's a lot better right now. He really treats me well. He doesn't neglect me anymore. I'm like.. so glad. =) Something great happened today. Well, we were watching tv when he suddenly grabbed a flower and asked me to marry him. hmmm.. As for the ring.. We used something (dun tell you guys whatt.. heesh) to represent it. lol. It was like.. so sweet of him. We are now officially married. lol. I love u honeyy. Well, I know I cannot be without him anymore. Life will be hard man. And he.. is showing me that he treasures me. I'm more than glad. Muackx. *Aisini_
Family:
Well, my parents are supportive of whatever I'm doing. They still do nag at me at times for going home late.. but they trust me more now. I'm glad. We're still one happy family. Ohh.. And my mum bought me slippers. lol. How sweet is that? 2 of them man. Not bad.. Her taste is still acceptable. =)
Friends:
Well, I barely have time for my honey and family now.. let alone friends. But well, I do talk to some of my friends.. like.. Pei Fen.. Adilah.. And I sometimes play bball with some friends as well. Killing 2 birds with one stone.. Being with him and friends. =) Not forgetting my workplace friends... they're nice. And I found out Peili is also working at Wisma Basement 1. Hers is a few shops away from my department. haha. How nice is that..
Well, that's all about it.. I'm enjoying life right now. My husband rules. Muackx.




++never be replaced++

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Sunday, December 04, 2005
12:33 AM

Hmmm.. Look at my blog. But don't believe the time and date. Cause it's like.. there's no way for me to alter them. So ya..

Anyway, I got the job where I went for the interview at Isetan. I'll be separated from Adilah.. sadly. But we're just about one or two buildings away. I should be working at Wisma. I'm not sure where yet. But they'll tell me where I'll be working at when I report. =) It's a great job offer. But there's only one off day which'll be on a week day. I just hope my honey won't feel neglected. That's all that matters. I love him.. and all I want is the best for him.

Well, I went down after eating and using the computer yesterday. Went down to find Xue Jun and Cindy and co. We played some bball. Just as I was about to go up, honey called me. I reached his place and he said he had to go somewhere first. I walked him off and met Xue Jun again. Ling Wei, Desmong and Mei Qi came along. Chatted quite a bit with them and found out certain stuffs.. oh whatever~!

We went to Chong Pang and played bball. It was pretty great and a little amazing how we could win certain games. yahh.. Honey came a while later. We played for a while more.. and he sent me off. Gawd do I love him. haha . muackx.




*woaini__

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Friday, December 02, 2005
8:13 PM

Everything's back to square one. I'm back with him. I'm just over the moon. Haha.. Well, certain things happened. I'm gonna say just what happened.. to those who are interested. To those who aint.. you may just try skipping the next paragraph. =)

I'm gonna make it short for I may just rattle on and you guys are gonna get freaking bored. Well, actually.. truth is.. I never forgot him. My friends knew it but I always denied. Like.. I just wanted to hate him. So as to forget him. I tried many means and ways. I forced myself into the perspective that I darn hated him.. But I knew he was still in my heart. I never admitted it. Unltil.. a few days before.. when I was sort of unaware of what I was saying and stuffs. lol. I said everything that was in my heart. And well.. I guess.. it was just meant to be. I used to assume many things. And he did as well. But oh well.. Assumptions are a bunch of bullshit! All I know is that I've loved him since I-dunno-when and now, he's back. We're together again.. and this time.. it feels much better. Muackx. I love him.. lots..

Hmmm.. I'm now over at his house. His dad just bought "breakfast"for me. I ain't that hungry actually. But well, I'm gonna force it down my throat. haha. Well, it's for my own good anyway. I'd have gastric if I don't eat it. He's sleeping soundly. He was working night-shift yesterday.. so like ya.. I won't bother him.

I was like.. trying to find a job. Oh well, I wonder where I should work at. I wanna do sales.. if it is possible. Damn. My dad and mum are now in favour of me working. They used to decline my offer of sharing the burden with them.. for they felt I was still young and was not supposed to be stressed up over $$ issues. But well, I know it ain't easy for them. And now that I have the chance to support myself.. it makes me feel pretty good. I feel bad about taking their money all the time. It's not like.. they don't give me enough and all.. it's just that.. I feel bad spending their hard-earned money like nobody's business. It's time I feel the hardships they felt while working.

I love Pei Fen. She's such a great friend. And so is Kenneth. I've had conflicts with them before. But oh well.. What's past is past. What matters is the present as well as the future. As long as I feel happy now, it doesn't matter what happened before. I feel great being with them. And that is all that matters.

Oh well, life has never been better for me. I love my family. I love him. I love my friends. And I love his family as well. =) Life is just soo great. =)))


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Monday, November 28, 2005
8:22 PM

I woke up and found out that I was in a state of severe pain. Urgh. Monthly cramps. I HATE IT.

Anyway, I went for the interview yesterday. Luckily for me all the way in the train, there was the PSP to accompany me.. haha. Thanks to Kenneth for lending it to me. I was like much earlier than both of my friends. Hmmm.. We were supposed to meet up at 2:15. As usual, I was early. I reached there at 2:10. One of them reached at 2:55 and the other at around 3:15. lol. I was really lucky I had the company of the PSP. lol. Well, the stupid thing was that.. there was practically no interview. We only filled up forms cause they said there were many people. Oh whatever. But well, Nasri said that we'll be called up again for sure.. for we were recommended. Well, I hope so.

Listening to "yong qi" now. Godd. I just love this song. haha. Never got tired of it.

Well, we hung out at Orchard for a while. I received phonecalls from Kenneth. Those two just made me damn worried. I couldn't just leave it that way. So well, I actually had to part with my friends and go all the way to Simei. I was supposed to accompany Adilah. But she said she didn't mind.. She's a great friend. Love her. haha..

Well, I entered the house and urgh.. It reeked of the smell. I just couldn't stand it. I went into the room.. They started talking to me, telling me lots of stuffs. I dunno.. Well, everything was better later.. I then left them some cigarettes to last through the night. Those idiots..... lol.

I had real bad migrane yesterday. Real bad. Ate medicine. Guess I had a little too much of it. lol. I threw up a while later and felt much better. Urgh. Disgusting. haha. Haishh. Now, I guess I have to take some more medicine. The pink panadol. lol.

ouhh. anyway, this is my 96th post. I didn't know I posted so much. lol.

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Saturday, November 26, 2005
12:52 AM

Late last night.. I was in a state of shock. Erm.. A person I've considered my best friend all this while.. whom always shared secrets with me.. no matter who we liked or whatever.. just told me his feelings towards me were more than just of friends. I was really shocked. I don't know what to say. I just never thought about it. Hmmm.. I wonder.. if it's just a joke.. or an infatuation on his side? But he's a great guy. Indeed.

Today was fun. I went out with my primary school mates again. Goshh. I just love them. I really really miss the times we've shared. I treasure every single one of them. All great people. No dislikes anywhere. Fun.

Went home feeling really tired. I was hogging on the phone last night.. so like.. I didn't exactly have enough sleep. I just bought a cup of noodles and ate it up. Delicious. At least it kept me full.

Erm. One of my godbros told me today that he wanted us to go beyond this relationship. Err.. I love him.. as a brother. Really. The way he dotes on me is just great. But it's no feeling of that sort.

I JUST LOVE MY PRIMARY SCHOOL FRIENDS. Can someone bring me back to primary school? lol. Friends is one thing that I treasure lots. Really. But well, some friends aren't that true. Those are just those you should let go of. It's not something I want. But that's the only choice. Nasri's mum is working as a department manager in Isetan. She might be offering me and Adilah a job there. Most probably in Mango. Being trilingual, I'm at an advantage. =) We'll see how. If I could get a job there, it will be splendid. =)

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Friday, November 25, 2005
1:44 AM

Malaysia was fun indeed.. eating all the sushi and stuffs. Watching movies.. bleah bleah. I dyed my hair.. but the colour isn't really obvious. I want the kinda obvious colour.. but it came out to be kinda natural unless beneath sunlight. But well, I sorta like the colour anyway. So that's about it.

I went for Hari Raya just now and it was just great catching up with old friends. I chatted about lots of things with Adilah.. and she's a great nice girl. Really. I miss Farah and Yasmin a lot. I'm just so sad they can't be there. But it's fine. I'm meeting Farah out next week. YAY~! lol. Today was just fun. Love primary school life. REALLY.

M.Y. wanted me to be his dear. What should I say? I mean.. He's a great guy. Really.. But I don't think I love him. How? I can't lead him on can I? I won't. But I don't wanna hurt him either. Any way? goshh. I'm bad. haishh..

Kenneth is being locked at home. He asked me over. Godd.. I hell love his house. Beautiful and fun. I'll be going over.. when my freedom's back. Maybe next week? yahh. haha.

I'm looking for a job. Any lobangs? Please tell me. haha.

One more thing.. My friends.. They aren't true to me. I found out everything. And I'm totally disappointed. You never reflected on yourself when you talk about others. goshh. I dunno.. Guess I'm just gonna pull myself away. It isn't hard now that they're so close together. sheesh. I'm so disappointed. But I don't really mind. They only have themselves.. whereas I.. have many others. Bye to this friendship of ours. I know it isn't really safe to write it here.. but oh well.. it's MY BLOG.

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Tuesday, November 22, 2005
6:06 PM

OMG. Seems like it's been long since I posted. Well, many things happened and I was just not in the mood to blog and stuffs. But well, I'm a happy being now. Exams are over. All the stress is gone, though I never really studied. I'm really nervous right now. Really. I mean.. of my results. I know myself too well. If I had studied, a JC should be in store for me. But right now, I don't even know if I can make it to Poly~! Haishh. What the hell. Forget about studies man. Holidays has come........

I'm going to Malaysia tomorrow. Having fun with Evelyn and Yuyu.. and maybe Lynette. Can't wait. We'll be splurging our asses out tomorrow and we're gonna have our hair dyed. Finally. I can't wait at all. Hmm. I know I've been bad. Not blogging these days. I'll try my best to blog okay? lol. Err.. I'll be in Malaysia for about 2 days.. so please.. don't miss me. =) Bye all.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Friday, November 11, 2005
11:28 PM

Lisa's pretty sad I couldn't make it today. Guess she wasn't exactly really happy. Wish I could be there for her at the South-East CDC thingy. Oh and ya.. I missed seeing those handsome peeps. lol. =X

Anyway, my dad switched my phone to another. haha. I would rebel if it were last time. But now, there's nothing to keep. I just deleted everything away anyway. Such great timing my dad had.

I'm disappointed in the two of you man. Seeing you guys.. haishh. You guys'll never know how a friend feels. KL ahh.. Aiyo. Damn disappointed in you. Didn't think YOU will. I thought you were the more sensible one. Oh well. Hope you meant it when you said it's gonna be over. For the other, I reckon.. when his mind is set on something, nothing else matters. I'm just freaking disappointed. Damn.

And Yang Yang.. haishh.. Don't be sad alright. I'm sure everything'll be fine. God bless your family. =) muackx.

Had a pretty fun time tonight. Played basketball.. was pretty fun. Cause it was challenging. And then, we were just so freaking bored.. we went to bang hard on other people's door and ran off. Oops. Do I sound like a bad girl now? Haha. Nahh. I'm still the same old girl. Don't assume I changed. Certain stuffs are not defined just by what you see. =) Oh well, it was just fun.

I'm a little sad that she doesn't tell me everything like before. To me, having a sister.. Sister as in.. You get what I mean.. Hmmm.. Well, to me.. it's a little like having a boyfriend? I don't know.. If we're just meant to be friends, so be it. Nevertheless, I'm still happy. Just a little disappointed? Haha.

I feel happy when you call. I like being with you. I like talking to you. I like your friends. I like your character. I like everything about you. But.. I just don't think it's love or something. I mean.. I just don't feel.. I dunno. I don't wish to be somebody's girl. The problem isn't with you. It's me. err. How am I to put it across to you that we remain friends? But you won't avoid me? Cause I dun wanna lose you.. But.. Oh gosh.. I'm contradicting myself. Lol. Let nature take its own course..

Damn. I hope he doesn't read this. haha. =X



I'M JUST HAPPY. (yet not exactly very. loll.)

Small messages:
Sorry lisa. I wish I could be there.
Jessica my lover.. where are you.. God do I miss ya.. lol.
Yuyu, Hope you'll be fine soon.
Evelyn. Bu yao hai pa. It's all fine.
The two peeps. Please.. haishh.
Yang Yang.. be happy please.
ME: STAY HOME LA. lol.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Thursday, November 10, 2005
10:46 PM

The South-East CDC thingy was pretty okay. Made some friends today. Saw the Fashion Fiesta models today. Some are really good looking man. Eye-opening sight. Well, I don't know if I can still be present. Nvm.

Hmmm. I'm pretty much okay with life now. Nothing much. I just want to end this O levels and then work. That's all I'm looking forward to. Oh and ya.. Saw Peiling and Ruoling the other day. I just miss them. A lot. Real lots. I can't wait for exams to be over. Peiling has always been there for me, no matter what. Love her. And I miss Ruoling too. And Michelle. The fun times we've had.. The first time I went to KTV.. and all that. I'm gonna see them again. ASAP~!!

I need to get an A1 for my POA. I have to work hard for this man. And my A Maths.. I wanna get a B3. PLEASE. I need this.

Err. Relationships.. godd. I don't even wish to think about it. haha. Just thinking back gives me headaches. Sometimes, I doubted what I thought. Maybe, I was being stupid. But nvm..I'm fine with life now. Is it really important to have a boyfriend to be happy? I guess.. not exactly.. I'm still young. I don't even know if it's even time yet. Of course I'll wish for a great guy.. But, it's only when I really can't do anything else without being a person will I then get involved once again. Guys..... haha .

Heii all who are still taking exams, please work hard. To those who aren't.. be happy. To those with partners, hope you guys are happy ya? To others.. live life to the fullest. One more thing, to those who wish to flirt.. I guess it's best not to. You'll feel disappointed in yourself someday. A clean heart definitely will make you feel a lot better.

Ahhhh. Not in the mood to write. Guess all of you can see that in the way I type right? lol. Anyway, lesser and lesser people are tagging. Ehhh.. TAG LEH. lol.

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Tuesday, November 08, 2005
10:21 PM

Well, I did have a bad birthday. It got better in the night. I met Mikal and Zhiming. We chatted and all. Later on.. I got a gift from god. A new friend who's such a great person. I got to know him a day before my birthday. It was real funny how we got to know each other. But he's a nice guy. At 11:57pm, he wished me happy birthday. lol. A new friend who made my day.

Hmmm. I'm trying to put the past to itself and try to really let go. I hope I'll succeed. This is the big challenge for me right now. I really wanna let go. Cause I'm really very tired of it. I just hope the person involved would give a direct signification to tell me what I exactly have to do. Sometimes, I am in a state of contradiction. I don't know.. I hope I can face up to this challenge. Well, we'll see what happens. It's never been his fault. Matters of the heart are always hard to explain.

Where my "sisters" are concerned, I'm feeling better. Because of exams, I seldom meet them these past few days. I wonder how it exactly is.. but well, we're as per normal these days.

Exams just suck. I really can't wait for O's to be over. I flunked almost all the papers I've taken. I'm thinking of taking Private O's next year. Well, I'll just see what happens.

Err.. He suddenly talked to me about matters of the heart. It's really not time for me to think about this kinda stuffs. I'm not considering to jump into any relationship at all. He's a real nice guy. He makes me feel better daily and all.. but.. err.. I've never thought about having a new relationship at all. It's just not time. But well, I'm pretty fine with life.. Just can't wait for O's to be over. =)


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Sunday, November 06, 2005
4:42 PM

Today's my birthday. I know what all of you are thinking. I should be like.. YAY. IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY. I'm so happy. Blahh.. But that's not the case for me. haishh. I'm so sad. Never have I had a worse birthday ever. Tomorrow's my O levels so-called first paper. My bestest friend just told me my attitude is getting bad. My ex-boyfriend who gave me high hopes left me hanging again. My parents are mad at me.. and so is my sis. I'm at a state where.. I don't have anyone to turn to.. Or rather I don't wish to turn to anyone else, for the ones whom I love.. pretty much don't care about me. My birthday seems like a day of disaster to me. I've practically been crying the whole day and trying to study, yet nothing can get into my mind. I'm sick and tired of life. Sincerely. Is this what you call life? When everyone turns away from you, especially on your birthday? haishh. I'm just so tired.

I'm so sad that she.. actually left me out. I don't know. Perhaps, it's my fault. But I really have never had any bad feelings towards her or anything. I can't believe she talked about me behind my back. haishh. I'm just so sad.

Him.. He told me the sweetest words ever. He came back giving me such high hopes when I was about to forget everything about him. And now, he's left me hanging again.. whether to wait.. or not. What the fuck. I really don't know which words are true or not. He told me.. that I've changed as well.

God damn it. I've changed. You guys tell me. You guys are the most trusted people to me. Yet, instead of being frank and telling me.. it seems like you guys prefer to talk behind my back. I'm just so sad.. devastated. Godd.

I'm just so sorry if I hurt anyone.. but I didn't mean to. It seems like.. haishh. My life is torn. When it seems like it's all and all perfect, it suddenly breaks down. Be it.. my friends.. or my love life. It all sucks.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Saturday, November 05, 2005
1:09 AM

Had a ton night yesterday. God was it fun. haha. Yuyu, Evelyn, Fooboon, Kenneth and me went up to a block near my house. We banged the windows vigorously and ran off. lol. Sincerely, I know it's kinda lame.. but if you were the one doing it, you'll know what is thrilling. We even sat and lied on the road and took photos. lol. However, our mood was spoilt by him. haishh. Whatever we told him, he told Fooboon and whatever Fooboon told him, he told us. Not only that, he likes to blurt out everything others say to whoever. And he loves to care so much about the things he don't have to. Just like what Yuyu said, "gai guan de jiu bu yao qu guan. bu gai guan de.. ta pian pian jiu shi yao guan." Godd. He spoilt all our moods. So rare than Evelyn can ton. So rare that we all could go out at that point of time and have real fun. He just had to spoil everything. haishh. Yuyu even got *athma attack because of him. She just got too pissed off. First time ever someone made her so pissed off. And the biggest reason is because he had to say MY deepest secret. I know Yuyu cares a lot about me and I'm thankful. She's always speaking up for me and all. And we never keep anything from one another. I hope our friendship'll last. I don't wanna lose her. Me, Yuyu and Evelyn shared certain stuffs yesterday. Sisters' trust. =)

Anyway, I was dead happy yesterday. I don't care that things didn't exactly go the way I want to. But.. haha. I was just happy whatever it is. Muackx. Nite all.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Thursday, November 03, 2005
11:54 PM

It never started nor has it ended. haishh. I'm freaking upset about this matter. I really want to know. REALLY. haishh. Forget it. I don't even have the chance to ask. Don't wish to either.

Afraid about O's. Sure die.

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Wednesday, November 02, 2005
1:13 AM

I shouldn't drag myself into something impossible like this. I know. Suan le.

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Monday, October 31, 2005
7:42 PM

Sorry if any of my words might hurt anyone. But this is my blog.. I'm opened to say everything I want to.

I'm fucking confused. I want to.. I really want to believe everything you said. But I really don't know. After all these, how am I supposed to really believe you? A lot has been heard. You talk bad about me behind my back. I heard a lot. I really don't know whether to believe or not. Sometimes, I just get too involved with what they have to say. I know I might hurt you if I say my true feelings. But you have to understand what I undergo-ed as well. It wasn't easy for me you know? haishh. If right now, there can be a word called "trust", perhaps.. I might just..

Being loved might be a good feeling. But I don't want to lead anyone on. I guess I have to be direct to them. haishh. It hurts to hurt another.

However, another fairytale might just be popping out. In every fairytale, there's a twist. There sure is. hmmm. Well, maybe it'll not be a fairytale. It might be Romeo and Juliet. Or maybe, it might be about a young boy and girl, like Little Rascals. Whatever it is, let's just hope the ending is a happy one. (oops. not romeo and juliet that is..)

I'm real unhappy today.. upon knowing certain stuffs. Plus, someone just couldn't just be by my side when I needed that person. Oh and ya. My phone is not with me. ARGH. Sian.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Sunday, October 30, 2005
11:49 PM

I'm too tired to write these days. Coming back pretty late and having very little time to do my stuffs. A lot of surprising things happened these days. Well, for people who care, overall rating.. I'm pretty happy with life. Having a true friend by your side is definitely the best that you can ask for. I talked to some friends today. Well, they actually brought to my mind that looks doesn't matter. I'm pretty concerned about my looks. Hahs. Low self-confidence. But well, I feel better now. And seriously, I've learnt how to take whatever negative stuffs others say about me a little more lightly. Goshh. I really don't know what to say. Err. Was talking to Ling Wei, Evelyn and Yuyu today. Well, we actually blurted out that we used to dislike each other. Everything was settled today. It's best to know someone real well before judging.

AHHH. Malay paper tomorrow. O Levels SUCK. I'm not even in the mood to study. But I promised Yuyu to start intensive study from tomorrow onwards. That's a MUST. =) Oh well. It's for the sake of my own future. I HAVE TO SCORE~!! lol. Wish me luck. ;)


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Friday, October 28, 2005
11:05 PM

Goshh. I was too tired to write yesterday and seems like I am too in a rush to write today. But it's okay. I don't wish to forget what I did. I have some kinda short-term memory I guess. But not as bad as Yuyu maybe. lol. Well, I woke up yesterday and headed to Yuyu's house with Dexter. We ate and stuffs like that.. blah blah. Cheryl came a while later and we played bowling. It really was fun. We ate the cheese toast and it was heavenly delicious. Heard someone calling my name and I turned around to see Ek'e. We chatted for a while and then my dear Yong Qiang, Rong Mao and two other anonymous guys came over. We finished the game, said bye to them and left to Nee Soon. My dear Peifen was waiting there. Diiao. I'm feeling bored just writing what I've done. Very lame you know. I mean like.. you guys are reading what I did and blah blah.. sian ma? Anyway, I went to Mc later at night and hung around talking to people. It was fun having Yuyu to entertain us with her lame jokes. hahs. That's about yesterday. Goshh. I'm late already. Gonna make a police report later. hahs. ya. Regarding my I/C. I haven't done it man~! hahs. Later~!

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Wednesday, October 26, 2005
11:51 PM

Haishh. I really don't understand how fucking lucky I can be. REAL "LUCKY". godd. I woke up early today to accompany Yuyu to get her hair done. Met Yi Xiang while waiting for her. Then Julian, Curtis and Elton came over. Once Yuyu was done, we met up with Peii Fen and went to 800+. There, bloodshed was seen. Goshh. Just a while later, a loud tight slap was heard. Sheesh.
The unlucky thing only happened later on. My wallet was stolen. Fine. I was careless. Godd. If only I could find that fucking guy. Forget it. It's over. I just shed a little tears and was fine. I just couldn't bear my I/C, my money( i just fucking got my money~!! ) and.. my photos. haishh. All is gone. Everything. Even the love-shaped thing my xiao di did for me. Whatever. Sometimes, you just have to let go. haishh.

Well, other than that, we were basically trying to look for fun without fun. Yuyu actually talked to someone whom we don't know. lol. It was real funny seeing them talk like that. Turned out the guy knew who I was. hahs. It was just so hilarious looking at the situation. Cheryl and Curtis were like laughing their asses out as well. But it's fun. Wei Chang sort of consoled me about my lost phone.. yahh.. And Zhiming as well. Well, it's over. Forget it. Before heading home, saw an old friend. Dexter. It's been pretty long since we talked. Yupp.

On the way home, I was like.. thinking how to tell my dad about it. I actually intended not to tell him anything. But well, I can't do so. I knew I had to tell him. In the end, the talk turned out great. He actually told me about how he lost his too last time. He did a new one just to find out that his old one was kept under his drawer. -_- hahs. Well, he just told me to make a report and see how it goes. How great is my dad. So understanding. Love him man. I love you dad. Muackx. Nitez. And my friends are great. Yuyu offered to actually treat me to however extent she could and the guys also asked me if I wanted a drink and stuffs like that. I'm grateful. I swear I won't ever be stingy once I have money. I've never been stingy to them anyway. hahs. But they're really nice. It's great to have them when I lost my stuffs. Otherwise, I really don't know how I could ever cope with it. I'm just sad that I can't buy the stuffs I want. But well, money can always be earned. And I/C.. can be done once again. But the next time, I'll laminate a photocopied one. hahs. ouhh alright. Good nite.

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Tuesday, October 25, 2005
8:37 PM

I really don't understand certain things. Hmmm. It's not like I'm pestering him asking him to come back to me. No, in fact I'm already settled down with the fact that we aren't together anymore. I'm getting real used to this single life. But.. he chose to avoid me. It's okay. Perhaps, he has his reasons. Lame.

Anyway, I shed tears today again. Not because of any guy, but because of what a girl said. Sheesh. I'm just pissed off with these stuffs. It'll end, I'm sure.. real soon. I hate people who can't think man. But upon confronting her, I felt that she was quite pitiful. So, yah. There's many more problems waiting for her. So I guess I should let her be, though I was gonna get outta control. Forget it.

I had real fun today. Played bowling with Yuyu, Yi Xiang, Curtis, Julian, Pei Fen and Cheryl. Very fun. We went to play some other stuffs as well. I won the bowling game today. Damn fun. lol. I'm just happy being with friends all around. Goshh. I'm getting bored of writing already. And actually, I'm now on the phone. Update again ok? Nitez.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Hmmm. I on my computer and I saw 3 new mails. Err. Saw that his blog was updated. Errr. i didn't know what he meant by nothing happened. But well, he's someone else's. I can't possibly write about another girl's boyfriend in my blog right? Hmmm. Peifen's here by my side. I'm going out to meet Yuyu already. Bye people. I'll update.

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Monday, October 24, 2005
7:25 PM

Life is definitely great with friends. Ling Kai was at my block waiting when I was still changing. haha. We then set off to school for POA. Was sort of no use to me as I understood that chapter well. So ya.. We then had breakfast before I headed to Yuyu's place. We went out and played bowling again. This time big improvements. There were a few strikes~!! Great man. We really had fun and it was pretty cheap as it's a weekday. We met my dear Pei Fen, Julian, Jia Hao, Elton, Eugenia.. aiya.. blah blah blah. So ya.. They were being screened by police. How unlucky was that. Sadly, two of them were brought to the police station. But nothing much happened.. So ya. We went to Nee Soon CC. A lot of crap happened there. Haha~ Was pretty fun with all those lame jokes and "breast enhancement" thingy. I just had lots of fun today.

I love my friends. lots . =)


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Sunday, October 23, 2005
8:56 PM

Everything's not as bad as it seems. Actually, I somehow love life right now. Just a little concerns. Like I said, I'll just need to cry it all out before I get all well once again. Today is a pretty fun day, though it was just the two of us. Me and Yuyu. Zhiming treated me today. Thanks. lol. I met Yuyu later on and sat at Starbucks studying for a while. We then went to Safra to have a few games of pool before heading for bowling. Godd, at first at bowling, we sorta made a fool of ourselves.. but we ended up playing pretty professionally. It was real fun man. Went to Chong Pang afterwards as Alton said he was there. Li Lian's birthday today~! lol. I wished her and hugged her. She seemed happy so it was good. We sat for a while before I headed home. It might seem simple to you, but I sort of had fun today. Guess there were some misunderstandings again today at Chong Pang. Seems like it's just neverending. Scary. Luckily, no fight occurred. Yupp. I love my friends. If not for them, life would have been just like a piece of blank white paper. =)


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



my life is torn. thanks to those people i've never even seen before in my life. maybe even thanks to me. or is it thanks to my mum and dad? or is it thanks to how the world have become?

i don't give a damn about the world anymore. today was actually a good day till around 11pm just now, thanks to those idiots. i hate them. without even knowing who they are. i wanna kill them or maybe.. i wanna kill myself.

ending life is easy.. but i have no guts to do so. urgghh.

i can't sleep. i'm still sick. i thought i'll be better today. but no, i just got worse. my eyes are all red, for nothing. i wonder why. godd. i hate life. i've let my family and friends who care down. i hate myself.

MY LIFE IS TORN!!! urghhh. the once so-called pessimist has turned into a person who doesn't even know how to appreciate life. what the fuck. fuck this whole world.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Friday, October 21, 2005
8:53 PM

Woke up at around 8+ today to see that Yuyu was awake as well. We got dressed and set off to school. Was such a coincidence to see Yi Xiang, En Rui and Alton/Elton(i wonder how u spell his name) as well. Graduation ceremony was.. boring, other than Mikal and Kai Xiang's jokes.. lol. It was pretty hilarious. Quite fun. My results sort of suck as well. Was supposed to witness some show after school but it was postponed. hah. I just can't wait to see some bitch getting a big dressing down.

Life for me is fine these days. I can manage. Guess I'm still trying to get used to my dead plant. But well, the plant is dead. I can do nothing about it. I won't buy a new plant for now. Cause I guess I'll still be wondering how the old one is. lol. Crap larh. All crap.

Anyway, having some kinda training tomorrow. At 10am. goshh. I'm gonna be so tired. After which, I'll be going to a Fashion Fiesta at Paya Lebar. I hope it'll be a fun day for me. yupp. Guess that's about it. Goshh. Having sore throat really suck. I hate it. And I'm so not feeling well. It all just suck. Hopefully, I'll be much better tomorrow. I BET SO~! heesh. Later~!

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Thursday, October 20, 2005
10:31 PM

Hmmm. Was at school today to take the practical exam. hmmm. ok larhh. I can't say I did well cause I didn't exactly get everything correct. But it was okay. I didn't flunk it or anything and I am quite sure that I can pass it. So ya.. Hmmm. After that we sort of had to like.. waste our time in the hall. We started off playing some lame stupid games.. yahh. Then I chatted with Ah Hui.. Then Yuyu and Xinying. Hmm.. Got to know from Xinni that Curtis was in hospital~!! What the hell. I was soo shocked. He was like.. still fine the day before.. And now they tell me he's in the hospital?? hmmm. Well, I was with Yuyu.. So we walked over to her place. While walking.. hmmm.. Saw him. With a girl. Err.. I couldn't see clearly. I didn't even know it was him. But my friend's eyesight was great. She saw. So yupp. haha~.. Well, nothing much. I didn't really care also larh. Just hope he's happy with that girl........

Went to hospital to see Curtis. He looked sort of weak. Wonder why his gf wasn't there. Well, maybe she was busy with her stuffs. hmmm. We had some kinda fun chatting around and being lame with them. Them, as in En Rui and gang. yahh. Peii Fen was there too. Just as the clock striked 8, we all left. He's all lonely once again. lol. Well, I said bye Curtis and there was a girl there who said.. "bye tortoise".. lol. All of us were like laughing out loud man. We then went back. I accompanied Yuyu back home.. And here she is.. spending the night with me. =) so happie. lol. Hmmm. Nothing much to say.

I just saw in my e-mail that his blog has been updated. I took a look and he did mention me. Saying sorry. Suan le. It ain't his fault anyway. The very point that he actually even cared to mention me is enough. Forget it. Whatever he does now, he's just my friend. Even if I choose to care, it'll just be as a friend. Yupp. take care guys. Nite.. I'm gonna talk to Yuyu. =p


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Wednesday, October 19, 2005
11:07 PM

Hmmm. Was out with Lisa today. err. Can't think of what to say also. I parted with her and went to Funland to find kor. Saw my ex's brothers. "******* stead" Then I was like.. I'm not his girlfriend. Then they asked if we broke up. I said ya. Well, they asked what happened. I didn't care la. I just said it was my fault. So ya. I then received a call from xiao mei. I was just so worried about her. Wonder what happened. I quickly took a cab down. Was such a trouble to settle the whole problem. Once it was all over, it was a relief. I just love her. Don't wish for anything untoward happening to her. Yupp. Went to Northpoint with some friends before meeting Ian. He then sent me home afterwards. Nice guy. I was feeling real bad just now. I'm still sick and I was suffering a real bad headache while walking home. I was about to puke man. Then I hurt my ankle. URGHHHH. Sickening. Ian had to like piggy back me. AHHH. I felt so stupid. Upon reaching home, godd it feels great. Sorry to trouble you man.

Actually, today's entry is supposed to be long. Cos I have lotsa feelings to share. About my xiao mei.. And about me as well. But my headache is killing me. haishh. I'm gonna get some sleep. I wonder if tmr's practical exam will be easy. O levels~!!! It's something big man. Whatever~ Okayy. I'm gonna sleep. Headaches just suck. ARGHHH.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Tuesday, October 18, 2005
7:18 PM

Okay. I'm done with everything I have to know. lol. I guessed correctly. At first I thought I was wrong to have maligned him of liking another girl. Guess what? He did like that girl. THAT girl. Just the one I thought of. I saw her the other day and the bad feeling was already there. So I wasn't wrong of suspecting anything at all. I asked his friend before, who that girl was. He said she was his friend's gf. So i thought i was thinking too much. But it all happened. Well, I know it happened only after we broke up. So you might say it ain't his fault. Uhuhh. Well, I guess there really is never any right or wrong in love. Perhaps. Whatever. Everything's over. OVER. Gai fang xia de jiu ying gai fang xia. Wo ke yi de~! First time. Godd.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Hei guys. I'll try to start blogging as per how I used to. I'll try my very best. I promise. Heesh. Life is alright for me right now as long as I don't see certain stuffs. (esp. ice-kacang) sheesh. lol. I'm fine with what life has in store for me. Listening to the song "carols" by Ayumi Hamasaki now. Fell in love with the song the first time I heard it. Having the chance to hear it once again really feels great.

haishh. I'm sick. Been sleeping in class for the past two days already. It's only now that I can confirm that I am sick and not only tired. I didn't even know my teacher called my name in class today. Oh who cares. It's just the headache that I hate. It's not allowing me to go out and meet my friends. Being at home is just so boring. I'll be forcing myself to sleep in a while. Oh and ya. New York Pizza is nice. lol.

Hmm. Should be going out tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll be fine tomorrow. Damn. I guess I'll stop blogging already. My head is feeling very heavy right now.

ni yao guo de hao. aiya. I know you will. sheesh. what am i thinking man. *slaps myself*

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Monday, October 17, 2005
7:42 PM

Everyone's hoping I'll go to him. He's a great guy. I know it. No one could possibly treat me as well as he can. He's always behind me no matter what other people said. Whatever wrong things I've done.. he's still right behind me. haishh. But I can't help it.. I'm no longer one who can just lose feelings for a guy so quickly. Well, I'm sure I can give up on my ex. I'm perfectly sure. It's just that.. it's not as easy as it seems. Hmmm.

Well, I talked to him today but he just snubbed me. lol. And I thought we agreed to just remain as friends. I've got nothing to say at all. It's okay. I'm so fine. I have to be. For all my friends. I have to solve their problems as well. I'll help as much as I can.

xi wang ni gen ta hui hen xin fu.



`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Had some kind of fun tonight. Love all my friends. Reached home to see some unexpected stuffs. But well, I was prepared to see this kind of news anyway. It's expected. haha. It's nothing wrong. I'm happy the way life is. I don't wish to care anymore. Life rocks. ROCKS!




haishh.





=)





`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Sunday, October 16, 2005
5:50 PM

Many things happened today. My hair. Is different already. Not used to it. And I definitely hope my dear friend Lisa is fine.




Gastric man. Very bad.




I'm doing something I'm not supposed to. I know it very well. It'll stop. haha.




Sorry people. I can't help thinking about..err.. nvm. haishh. What a failure I am. I know it's never gonna happen. Let go.



Well, I really dunno how to express myself any further. I can no longer find words to speak out my mind. And my heart. I'll be back to norm soon. I suppose.. wait for me alright. =)

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



haishh.
sad.
dunno what to say man.




i just know. i can't let go.





haishh. ;'(

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Thursday, October 13, 2005
7:41 PM

I woke up blur. I then started to recall what happened before I got to sleep. hmmm. I was just wondering if it were a dream. Well, I know it wasn't. I got up to bathe and I kept on telling myself I have to be strong. Yup. I did it. For a few hours.

Met Lixian and Joelin at OCBC at around 8. Went to 925 and then to 211. Joelin stayed around there you see. Xinni and Peifen came not long later. I lied on Joelin's lap and fell asleep. When I woke up, I couldn't smile anymore. I couldn't force myself to act as if I were happy. I broke down. Some things happened. All my fault. I know.. it has all been my fault.

After that, I just had to face another problem. I really felt soo.. so down. Sincerely, I can find no words which can adequately express the sorrow in me. Damn. Never felt this way before. But well, I'm so damn glad to have my friends and mei around. They haven't made me happy. But at least they made me better. I know it's my fault. I can do nothing about it now I guess..

If only I were given a second chance. But, sincerely, if I were the other party, I guess I won't. So.. I don't blame anyone.. except me, myself and I.

I tried to do other stuffs to get my mind from everything. However, once I take a seat, I kept on thinking. I still can't accept the truth. really. Whenever I just finished doing my stuffs, I would take my phone out and look at it. I was about to SMS when I realised what I was doing. I mean.. what the hell.. I still think that.. haishh. I just can't accept the fact. really.

To you. yes, YOU. hmmm. Dare to do whatever you want. Don't think too much about what others think or you may never succeed in life. All the best okay? From then till now, this has been an obstacle for you. Well, overcome it. I'm sure you can. And I hope your exams.. well.. you get good results. =)

It's all my fault. It has always been.


I'm still waiting for a day. When I really will be worthy of him.. But I guess.. the day will be somewhere around...




NEVER.

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Wednesday, October 12, 2005
10:26 AM

vexed .
you're making me guess too much .
tell me everything .
things would be misunderstood .
you don't seem to care .

li xian, i love you .

friends are essential in life .




i'm hoping you'd call.. telling me that whatever i'm thinking is rubbish. i've been consoling myself a little too much. tell me that i'm not consoling myself. tell me. just tell me everything u feel. sincerely. if it's negative, then be it. at least i know. i don't wanna go on guessing.

or maybe.. nahh~ nvm. forget it. i'll update larh . i'm just so sick. haha.

anyway, pei fen . i'm angry . with u guys. nvm .

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Tuesday, October 11, 2005
11:11 PM

No matter what happens, you're always on my mind. Muackx.

Loving you .. always ..

yi zhi deng zhe ni da lai. hao xiang ni. mei tian zhi xi wang neng gou kan dao ni. woaini.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Monday, October 10, 2005
7:25 PM

Well, things are not as bad as it seems. Yesterday.. When I woke up in the morning, I already felt terrible. It was all a mess. Receiving another bad news from my mum.. makes it depressing. I was like.. damn depressed. Damn stressed. I wanted to get my mind off everything.. inlcuding exams. But when I try to do so, it gets worse. More things were on my mind. I just needed some time out.

I've got friends who are really caring. Thanks lots. I was pulled to go to the doctor's. Well, it was closed. I didn't wanna go anyway. So we ended up trying out New York Pizza. Yum. Simply delicious. =) Well, we sat at McDonalds for a while while deciding where to go. I was in very low spirits. So, I.. I dunno. Well, she suggested Chong Pang. So we went over. I saw him there. I just didn't know how to face him. Guess he didn't see me. For I quickly walked off. I really felt like talking to him.. but I just didn't know how to start. And I was afraid he was still angry.

I was trying to shift my mind off things by playing bball. Was at 139 playing when he came. He sat with his friends while I played. Just after the game, I sat on the bench there. Looked at him and saw him looking back. Hmmm. He didn't seem mad at me. He didn't turn away or whatsoever. But he didn't smile either. (well, i can't expect him to be smiling rite?? lol.) He was with his friends, so I didn't go over.. When I was playing a while later, he left with his friends. My heart dropped. But well, I thought .. I couldn't expect much. It was my fault after all.

Never did I think that my honey wasn't that petty after all. He came back alone and I walked over. He asked if I was ready to leave and accompany him. I was like..of course~! lol. happy~! lol. Then I asked him if he was still angry.. And he said.. No. Great. lol. However, he said something which made me a little upset and suspicious. But.. a word from him makes me assured. I know he means it.

Was very happy when I was home yesterday. He made me happy. He definitely did. muackx.

School today was.. okay. Nothing much. I left early cause I really couldn't stand being in class any longer. So ya. Met Xinni and my dear mei at Chong Pang Mc. They were supposed to study. But we ended up playing instead. lol. Pretty fun day we had. I saw honey walk past and he smiled. Was happy to have seen him. His exams are on. All the best. Study hard. I won't bother you. But I definitely will miss you.

Arggh.. Dewi. You'll always be dear to me. lol. All the best to you dear. lol.

Anyway, to some of my friends close to me. I know.. I've been giving some kinda attitudes lately. I wonder why too. But well, I never wanted to do so. I'll change. Need you guys' cooperation though. =) love you guys. love honey.


LOTS.

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Sunday, October 09, 2005
12:37 PM

.at the verge of breaking down.

Sorry dad.. I came into the world without a beautiful face. I know how much I've troubled you and mum. But forget it. I won't hope for one anymore..

Sorry honey.. Such that I always make you upset and down no matter how much I try to prevent it. I can't face you.. I don't know how to..

Sorry friends.. For I can't be so understanding to all your needs..

Sorry to all those who had smoked because of me.. Truth is, I ain't angry. I'm guilty. Joey, stop saying sorry.

Sorry to all my teachers, family and friends who have high expectations of me to score well. I can't do it.

Sorry to those who asked for my help.. Yet I can do nothing. I'm useless.

I'm useless. Everytime I try to think to help someone, migraine. And everytime I want to help, it seems like.. my problems arise as well. I never got the chance to tell anyone. And I don't want to either. For I know.. it'll trouble you guys as well. I.. I just need some time.. For what.. I don't know.

Honey.. I'm very very sorry. I hope I'll be forgiven. I can't face you. Sorry.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Thursday, October 06, 2005
11:25 PM

Well, honey msg-ed me when I was at Northpoint with Xinni looking for a present yesterday. He told me he was somewhere near my house. I was like.. Huhh? He didn't tell me anything before he came. Well, I forgot about the present, skipped dinner, bought some bread and bubble tea and took a cab down to meet him. Was sooo glad to see him. I missed him sooo badly. We chatted and all and then went to find Xinni before heading to 100+. We had a little bit of fun before heading home.

Went to see my discipline master this morning and surprisingly, nothing happened. -_-" And it actually set me thinking so much. haishh. My friends and family are always telling me to stop worrying unnecessarily. Ya ya. I'm trying hard. I'm gonna release stress in every way I can. I really have to start making myself at ease all the time. So, first of all, to all my friends reading this.. help make me happy without worries okay. I hate migraine. It hurts badly. haishh. I'll try to not think too much. heesh. Now having migraine, gastric as well as cramp. It sucks man. haha. Guess I'm gonna eat soon. I only had breakfast today. lol. No appetite man.

School today was.. nothing. Nothing much happened. Time sort of passed pretty fast. I left school at 1:15pm. Headed to Xinni's place and went out. Met honey later on.. He seemed tired. He wasn't the happy noisy side of him. He was pretty quiet today. He told me to call his house when I reached home. I was like.. Hmmm.. What's up? When I asked him later on, he just mentioned.. "no la. just want to know that u're safe and sound back home.." awww.. So sweet of him. muackx.

I love honey. Well, we've not been together for very long. I might not understand him thoroughly or trust him fully. That goes for him as well. But I know.. My feelings for him are true. And I really hope the same from him. He does shower me with love and care, of course.. Whenever I see him, it makes my heart skip a beat and this sort of soothing feeling comes after. I dunno. I mean.. all I need is to see him, and my day is complete. I don't know if there's anything we disagree about or so.. But I know.. I don't want him to change in any way. Love is about accepting the person the way he or she is.. And I love everything about him. muackx. love u honey. Can't wait to see you tmr. =)

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Wednesday, October 05, 2005
5:23 PM

I just received a phonecall from Mr Lee. Fuck. I really am fucking pissed. It isn't my fault. And now the fucking Discipline Master wants to see me. FUCK ALL la. FUCK SCHOOL.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Lynette returned my testimonial.. mentioning that she'd be strong. I'll be right behind you Lynette. And I'm glad she's got Gary by her side. I hope he means what he said. Anyway, before I went to sleep yesterday.. that was around midnight, friendster showed 22 people viewed my profile. I logged in again at around 1pm.. and 82 people has viewed me. Woahh.. So many owl friends I have. lol.

I thought it was the alarm to get up. I looked at my phone for a second. It wrote "honey's hm". I guess I forgot about all the anger and wait. I was still very blur when I answered the phonecall. I can't remember vividly what I said and all. But well, I knew he'd read my blog. haha. I remembered him saying something like.. "it's not 3am yet.." or something like that. Well, the point that he called made me feel better. But I haven't heard his explaination. If he even had one that is. lol. Missing him lots right now. Honey.. call me.

I'm worried about him. I did not even get the chance to wish him luck for today's paper. haiishh.. Hope it's easy for him. hmmm. I'm sure AG has went to find him or something. I wonder what's gonna happen and all. Just hope he'd call to just say, "everything's fine. don't worry."

I got back all my results already. Can't face my parents. I know they won't mind or anything. But I just sorta feel I've let them down. haishh. Hidayah, wake up. You've got to start studying. O levels is just around the corner. No time to slack around anymore. Study~!

`Sobing In a lil Corner..





xinni's work of art. lol. nice?




xinni took me. lol. i look funny.




we were waiting. for nothing.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Tuesday, October 04, 2005
11:46 PM

Well, continued from yesterday's entry.. My mum came back at around 9+ and I told her to get my PUK thingy done. Once I on my hp, "private no. calling". OMG. He's been calling me non-stop from just now, using a public phone~!! How sweet of him. He's been waiting for me around my block. So sweet. I was like.. so touched. =) love u honey.

A very heartfelt entry by Lynette. My eyes went teary upon reading it. Her brother has actually passed away in an accident. Sadly.. He was born with imperfections.. and he's a real nice guy. Had to leave so early. haishh. I really can't imagine how she's feeling right now. I hope she can pull it off. She's having her N levels now. I hope she'll do her best. Lynette, I really hope I can make you feel better.. but I suck at consoling and all. And besides, haishh.. I know nothing I say can help. But I know how strong you are. I believe you'll make it. Reading your entry.. I'm really touched.

I'm having migrane. haishh. Real shittie. I didn't go to school this morning. And when I woke up, I realised I'm having my monthly thing. My tummy hurts man. haishh. Can't stand it. But well, I was trying to bear with it. My mood sucks as well. Imagine yourself unwell.. plus this. OMG. It just sucks.

As if this is not enough..
Well, I caught him on MSN this afternoon. We chatted and stuffs and he mentioned he was going to Marina Bay for steamboat. We chatted for a while and then I wanted to have my so-called breakfast. He was also about to go out anyway. I told him to call me.. and he said okay. It's 11:43pm now. And I haven't received any phone call at all~!! I'm pissed. I don't care what time it is.. Even if it's 3am in the morning. I just hope he'd at least call. Okayy.. Even if he's busy or what.. Calling for just a minute will kill? haishh. But then again.. Maybe.. (and i'm hoping this is true).. maybe he have his reasons. bleah.

I need to get some sleep. Haishh.. Migrane. Sucks. Cramp. Sucks. And I think I'm feeling gastric as well.. Ya. haishh. I'd better get some sleep. Nitez all. Hoping to feel better tomorrow.

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Monday, October 03, 2005
7:12 PM

I was awoken by noises. I quickly rushed to the room beside ours to see what was happening. My grandma was in great pain. She's been vomitting and even pass motioning for like over 20 times from 1am till 5+am non-stop. I wonder what was hesitating my parents but at last, at about 5 am, they called the ambulance to bring her to the hospital. I was holding back my tears. Really. At home, I'm considered the strongest one already. I can never afford to show that I am weak in any way. I dunno.. I mean.. I never thought my grandma meant that much to me in any way. However, seeing her that way.. I really don't know what came over me. Maybe, I ain't that heartless after all. I do love her. Haishh. She was moaning in pain. My dad looked really upset and two of my aunts were shedding tears. Seeing the kind of situation.. I dunno. I'm pretty useless in ever doing anything. I would definitely wanna do stuffs, but I can never manage to bring myself to do so. haishh. Well, I just hope everything goes well.

I got changed after she was sent to the hospital and got out pretty early. I met Xinni at Chong Pang and looked for a bakery which was already opened at that time. Hmmm. None. We then went to 7-eleven first. Errr.. I was looking for a drink which is delicious but contains no sugar. I really searched, but it didn't help. Xinni told me that every drink.. no matter what, will surely contain sugar. I then ended up buying milk. I bought some sweets and I hope it's enough for him to last for the whole day. I know it's too sweet and it ain't that good. But it beats seeing him keep to his bad habit. Oh well. Waited for a bakery to be opened and I bought 2 bread. I ate one.. and yumm.. it was delicious man. heesh. School started and I tried to find him but he was nowhere to be found. So I just left the stuffs on his table.

I was practically writing on my table through lessons. lol. History sucks. SS sucks. Maths sucks. English sucks. Physics sucks. Well, these are the few results I got today. Nothing more than B4 for all. Well, I can't blame anyone except for myself. I didn't even study. All I have to say is.. at the very least, I passed. So be it. It sucked.

And ya. Fuck it. My migrane was acting up again today. Very badly. Damn it. Errr.. Or maybe it isn't migrane. Couldn't be headache. Godd, guess I need to consult a doctor. But I'm afraid.. afraid of the outcome. Forget it.

Was happy to see him somewhere near my class. He said he'll call me. Err.. My SimCard is fucking blocked. And I was just to happy to see him I forgot to ask if he was holding on to his mum's phone. Seems like he wasn't. I SMS-ed him to call Xinni's phone. But I guess he didn't receive the message. I even tried calling the number.. but to no avail. Nvm. Err.. Hope he'll find a way to contact me. Waited for him after school. He told me he'd be going for his Geography extra lesson.. But he didn't. haiyo.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Sunday, October 02, 2005
11:47 PM

Woke up today and grabbed the phone to msg Xinni. She was here and I was still in bed. lol. We watched another korean series. OMG. Freaking sad story. I was practically shedding tears all the way. Xinni told me I cried till my whole face was red. lol. Hmmm.. We went out to have fun later on. And anyway, I'm worried. Hope nothing bad happens. I wanna live life to the fullest.

Reached home today to see some unfamiliar slippers at my doorstep. I was wondering who.. I stepped in and saw my beloved aunt. She said.. I've changed. As in my looks. Guess what she said? "I think.. you're darker.. And something.. Hmmm.. Well, maybe it's your hairstyle.. err.. I dunno.." I was like.. "*laughs* alright. let's just face it. i'm fatter already.. i know." And well, that's like about it. She's just so proud that her niece can be so fluent in her mandarin. lol. She told me to take up learning how to write in Chinese. My dad was agreeable. I am just wondering where to find time. Oh well..

Got to MSN and chatted with Xinni plus Honey. Heesh. Hold on. I just noticed my girl friends who are with me these days.. all their names contain an I.

Hidayah
Xinni
Lixian
Huilin
Shihui
Peifen

Funny ehh. Anyway, back to the topic.. Hmm. Was chatting with Xinni. I'm just so frustated by the way she's treated. I just hope for justice to be done. Don't think too much ya girl? Don't worry too much too. All will be well. =)

Received a testimonial from my darling sister Peifen today. So sweet of her.. I never thought I meant so much to her. And ya.. I'm starting to miss the days we've had. Definitely gonna catch up with her. heesh. muackx.

Honey never fails to make me smile.. Though he doesn't often smile. heesh. I don't know how to express this kind of feeling but I feel so overwhelmed to be loved by him. I love him a lot. I don't wish for anything untoward to be brought upon him. I sit at home wishing everything will go well for him. Really really blissful. muackx.


`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Woke up damn early today. Well, I called Xinni after having my breakfast and then we met to go out. But then it started raining, making us hesitant to go. I was supposed to buy my pants today but I guess that'll have to be postponed. Played lots of Photohunt today. And my darling sister, Peii Fen called me today. Met her for a while and watched her and Xinni play bball. Xinni told me something today. I already guessed it wasn't as simple as that. lol.

Met honey for lunch. He left in a while.. he's got something to attend to. He came back to meet me later.. My heart ached seeing him like that. But I couldn't do or say anything. Haishh. I don't know. Hope all these will stop. But I know it's far from possible. Saw Lixian today. lol. =) I've nothing much to say actually. Now still not sleepy I wonder why..

Anyway, honey said something real touching just now. I could feel it was from the bottom of his heart. I couldn't resist the tears flowing. I love you honey. muackx.

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Saturday, October 01, 2005
12:34 AM

Hmmm. I just read Xinni's blog. She said she's sort of in the same boat as me; eating a lot and getting fat. Funny. lol. To me, she's eating okay(other than the ice-cream and stuffs i feed her almost daily. lol.). And she's not getting fat, even her sister said she looks thinner. Haha. Different for me. I put on my jeans today. It's usually worn on my hips, real low till it can't be brought down any further. lol. But today, darn. I was forcing in on me. I really have grown fatter. I'm dead man. Heii. I've been good already man. I've cut down on chocolates okay? Oh god. I really can't take it anymore man. I'm getting sick. I'm YEARNING for some chocolate right now. But don't worry. I can resist it. lol. I guess I have to cut down on meat and rice, cause I consume excess of those. Darn. I've started eating vegetables, so perhaps I should eat more of those. lol. Oh whatever.

I was awoken by my darling girl calling me this morning to tell me she's here. We watched the Korean movie till it ended like from 10+am till about 6+pm. The show was nice all the way.. except for the ending. WHAT THE HELL. The ending sucks man. It's like.. there's no ending at all. Left me hanging. I was like.. thinking a lot man. Whatever. I just hoped the ending was her ending up with one of them, with the other finding his true love in another. Well, I always expect a happy ending for all you see, though most of these movies end up with sad endings. However, this one is a happy ending.. Or shall I say.. happy.. without a proper ending? Urgh.. Be it.

Met honey just now. Accompanied him home to have his dinner. We played photohunt with his sister on the computer. We found some pretty entertaining. Not bad. His sister looks sooo like him. Almost copy and paste. lol. She's pretty. His mum was unwell again today.. but she got better afterwards. I finally got him to settle down and study. Completed five topics today. Not bad huhh? He's a pretty fast learner. Clever guy. But lazy. Hmpf. And his dad.. told me something really cute in malay.. Guess it can't be revealed. Lol. He's such a joker.

Haishhh. Saw him really down today. I felt so.. erm.. I just don't know how to explain the kind of feeling. It's like.. my heart dropped and I hope there's anything I could do to make him feel better. I hope to say many things to him, to make him feel better. But all I could do was look at him.. Haishh. I felt so hopeless. Useless. I just.. told him not to think so much and hugged him. I just hope he'll forget about all the unhappiness. Yeahh.. He smiled later on. I was so HAPPY~! Once he smiled, I became the me again. The noisy, always-smiling one. lol. I love you honey. Just hope you'll be happy always. I hate it when I see you sad. But I definitely'd love to share any of your despairs. Telling me would make you better, and even though I might be troubled by your troubles as well, it makes me feel better than looking at you suffering everything alone. You know? Muack.

My dad was a little unhappy. He doesn't like me coming back home late frequently. Guess I'll try and come back earlier next time. Anyway, it's confirmed I have migrane(if this is the spelling). Oh well. Guess what my dad told me? He just said I needed more sleep and also that I can't handle any kind of stress. True? I wonderr. Alright. Till here. I need to rest. Oh and ya.. Xinni, JS is not right. I don't get tired of blogging. And I don't have any less to write. Lol. A blog is where I pour out my feelings and stuffs that happen so as not to forget them. These happen daily. Your thoughts are abundant. So, you'll never have nothing to write ya know? Maybe, you're not used to saying almost all that you're thinking. I dunno. lol. Nites gurl. Muack.

`Sobing In a lil Corner..



Thursday, September 29, 2005
11:58 PM

Well, after making the entry yesterday, I fell asleep. Know what.. I actually slept till about 8+pm. Well, you can't blame me.. I didn't have enough sleep the night before. And ya.. I'm eating a lot these days man. And I'm getting fat already. You guys say no.. But it's just that you guys don't notice. I do. Some people sure do. Urgh. I gotta start exercising. Damn. Anyway, Honey called at night.. And then came to meet me.

Forced myself to get out of bed today. I was freaking exhausted man. I barely slept. Forced myself to go through the examinations today. Sort of slept through A. Maths paper. I wasn't really sure how to go about doing it.. So I just gave up. I was a little reluctant to go home after the exams today though fatigue was overcoming me. I accompanied Xinni and Lixian before heading home. I didn't know Honey didn't turn up for school today. His friend actually told me he had dengue fever. I was like.. "How can it be??" I mean.. I just saw him a few hours back. Couldn't be. NO. Actually, I'm best at thinking far. I was like.. What on earth happened to him man? Was worried sick. Tried calling his house but it was to no avail. I just couldn't reach him. I started to think of the many possibilities. And then I thought.. what if he really has it? I was thinking of what I'll do and stuffs. I was thinking if he was in hospital and stuffs.. I was just thinking a lot. I went home but I just couldn't fall asleep despite feeling so shagged. I was worried sick man. Many things were going through my mind. I tried calling once again and this time his mum answered. She told me he was resting and asked me to call again later. I said a word of thanks before hanging up. PHEW~! It was a load off my chest man. I mean.. At least now I know he's just resting at home. I was soooo relieved. I was laughing and smiling to myself and Xinni was there sort of sharing the joy with me. I looked like a silly sicko. lol.

Received his call afterwards and met him. I was so glad to see him. Other than feeling totally shagged and needed more sleep, he was fine. lol. I was soo relieved upon hearing and being confirmed so. After all the wait and everything, I finally got to see him. Definitely did miss him. lol. Ate ice-kachang again before heading to his place. After ironing, we sat down and chatted and stuffs. His mum.. Poor thing. The stupid nurse. Guess she needs to be demoted or get her pay cut. She injected the needle wrongly I guess causing his mum's hand to suffer.. err.. I don't exactly know what it is. Hmmm.. It looked sort of blue-black or something like that. She mentioned that it'll be fine after a while. Hopefully. She looked a lot better than the other day already. She was like.. soooo weak the other day. Much better now. Good for her. Ohh and ya.. I was sitting by the computer table when he suddenly pushed his chair backwards. I look at him blankly. He signalled the table and I turned to look. WOuuu.. There's this insect.. looking like cockroach. I wonderr what the hell it is.. It was jumping and jumping. OMG~! I was like shocked man. His dad sort of caught it and they placed it into a plastic bag. He then released it afterwards. lol. Funny. Honey sent me to the roadside to wait for a cab to pass. Soo miss him right now. lol. He's got school tomorrow.. so he has to sleep early. As for me, exams are over. As in prelims. No school tomorrow. Great. Xinni'll be over at around 10 and we'll be watching that korean love series. Beautiful. That show is great. So yeapp. That's about it I guess. I'd better get some sleep. I'm really really exhausted now. Nitez all. Nite hon. muackx. lurve u.

Oh and ya.. Happy birthday Zhiming.. Hope u had a nice day. Happy brithday to Dragon as well. Didn't get the chance to wish u. But well.. just hope u had fun. (if u ever get to see this. lol. )

`Sobing In a lil Corner..


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